So I’m kind of pissed at Marvel, which has left me conflicted. Even if you’re trying to avoid spoilers there’s no way you could not know that there’s a massive death toll in Avengers: Infinity War. And Loki goes first, not five minutes into the movie.
I survived that long, but then by the third or fourth death I’d had enough and walked out, wearing sunglasses so people wouldn’t notice I was crying. I had to sit at the theater waiting for my BFF and my goddaughter, so I quickly downloaded Meredith Duran’s new book, The Sins of Lord Lockwood 
to immerse myself in a love story that would have a happy ending, and she never lets me down. It’s fabulous.
But I digress. I really really hate it when characters die in movies. Oh, some of them are okay – Jack in Titanic was doomed, I don’t fret over Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet (though Hamlet’s death usually gets to me). But there was something about the new movie that made me so freaking sad and weepy, and I’ve decided to wait until the fourth one is out before I finish the third. Having my heart ripped out isn’t my kind of entertainment. (I don’t like being scared either, so I avoid horror movies). I’ll deal with something depressing and challenging like Schindler’s List if that’s what I’m going for, but if it’s comic book adventure with characters I’ve loved over 17 movies – no.
On the other hand, I’m a firm believer in artists, (and artistic entities like Marvel), changing things I adore. Writers, artists, musicians, movie makers need to be free to do something that their most devoted fans don’t particularly like. For interest, if someone like Bob Dylan suddenly starts crooning or singing about Jesus you just shrug and wait for the next stage, even if you believe he can do no wrong. There’s value in everything, just not for everyone.
If a romance writer gets sick of writing romance (I can think of one who turned to horror for a while) you let her go. If she comes back to romance she’ll be better than ever. Sometimes success brings a whole new batch of troubles, and any artistic decision you make can affect the income of hundreds or thousands of people. You still have to go for it.
So I’ll fight to the death for Marvel’s right to kill half of civilization, even Loki. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
And yes, I know most of them will be back, and that they’re only fictional characters, etc., but fictional characters are often more real to me than humans. I take this shit seriously, and I was in a funk for days after I tried to watch Infinity War. In the end I’d rather be that way – suspend my disbelief totally and become part of the universe, even if I grieve.
At least with fictional deaths you can avoid them.
I want them back, all of them, and I won’t be satisfied if these contracted actors only show up in prequels, because I’ll always know they’re coming to a tragic end.
You know, sometimes being a geeky fangirl is hard.